Joan Didion, Longfellow & Eric Clapton - Writing Through Grief

      After  I  read Twelve Reasons to Write , Jennifer Rova's blog post for October 26, 2011 on Writing North Idaho,  I  was motivated  to write, especially after she shared about one man's compelling desire to write poetry after the death of his son, and the grief he bared.

     The day before I read Jennifer’s post, I  had picked up a copy of Joan Didion’s  book, The Year of Magical Thinking.   In her  memoir Didion  details  step by step the  pain and anguish  she endured after the sudden death of her husband, collaborator,  best friend, and  fellow author, John Gregory Dunne; It  earned her the National Book Award (2005).  Didion, one of America’s most renowned authors, explains it was grief that motivated her to write this particular story about her own deep, and unrelenting loss.

  Because of the sheer sadness and ordeal the author takes us through, the book is not always easy to read, but it  does relate first hand , the  commonality and process of grieving .

     After the death of his beloved wife, Fanny ,  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow  struggled with depression, and had to force himself to write again.  Though many years had passed, it was his continued  grief   that finally  moved  Longfellow to write,  The Cross of Snow which made  clear the lasting ache in his heart.

That, sun-defying, in its deep ravines

Displays a cross of snow upon its side.

Such is the cross I wear upon my breast

These eighteen years, through all the changing scenes

And seasons, changeless since the day she died.

     Famed guitarist and songwriter , Eric Clapton wrote the  poetic lyrics to the best selling song , Tears in Heaven after the death of his young son.

Would you know my name

If  I saw you in Heaven

Would it be the same

If I saw you in Heaven                               

Would you hold my hand                      

If I saw you in Heaven 

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in Heaven 

     The point I’m trying to make here is grief,  and the death of a loved one penetrates  the very depth of one’s soul,  and  can be  the primary reason for  a famous published author ,  poet, lyricist or someone unknown  to write his or her thoughts—to share their anguish, or memories of the departed  one held  close to the heart, ever so dear.

     For example, my mother  wrote the following on a scrap piece of paper several months after my brother died.   She’s not a professional writer, nor does she have a college education, but the words she wrote are from her heart, and shares precisely  what grief feels like. 

Saturday Afternoon

I just walked out to the mail box and back.  Sometimes I like getting mail, sometimes I don’t .

The very worse thing  arrived in my mail today; My son, my darling, my ever loved son, Walt’s death certificate. Nobody, nobody  should  ever have to look on, or read their sons death certificate.  Only 55 years  ago, I was reading his birth certificate.   I was 21 , he was  two days old. Life and love was new and wonderful.  My four year old daughter, Kathy was waiting at home to enfold him in her little arms.  Now, we will never hold him again.   You might think 55 years old is a long time  - it isn’t.  Remembering the little hands that stroked your face, the tiny feet you kissed  -  the sky blue eyes smiling up at you.  Oh, God !   I miss my son.

I sit at my kitchen table  looking out at the beautiful blue sky, but it doesn’t sparkle like Walt’s blue eyes did.

You were so loved,  Walt. You are so missed.

   Chronicling grief  through story and the written word -  whether memoir, poem, journal writing  or song is an often overlooked  type of writing, but one that  can bring acceptance and healing to both writer, and reader.

   For  helpful ideas about this subject visit  http://www.namw.org/news/writing-about-times-of-grief/

***  An informative and well written article about Joan Didion and her newest memoir  about the death of her daughter  (who died shortly after Didion's husband)  is featured in the Nov/Dec 2011  issue of Poet & Writers.  

Expressive Writing and Dignity Therapy

A few weeks ago a friend, who suffers from dehabilitating migraine headaches, had “the mother of all headaches” to paraphrase General Norman Swartzkopf . The pressure in her brain was so severe that her doctor diagnosed “a brain bleed.” She temporarily lost some speech and experienced fatigue. Another migraine of greater intensity struck a few days later. The treatment will surprise you.

When released from the hospital, her doctor told her to go home and write! He said that exercising the brain was the best cure for the injury caused by the bleeding. As the days progressed and her strength built up, she wrote up to eight hours a day. It worked. She recovered all her brain function quickly and was back to leading a group of writers. For this woman, like Larry L. Laws, of our October 26, 2011 post, writing was the avenue to healing.

James Pennebaker, Ph.D. conducted a study to determine if there were benefits of writing about traumatic experiences in life, preferably something the participants had not talked about to others. It is called "expressive writing." He was looking to see if the translation of emotion into language would benefit people. His conclusion was that indeed it did. In his book Opening Up:The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions, Pennebaker found that most participants in the study found themselves to have reduced anxiety and decreased grieving about the incident. (He warns this type of writing can have a rebound effect if one is sad, depressed or suicidal.)

A decade ago a psychiatrist in Canada, Harvey Chochinov, developed "dignity therapy" for those patients involved in the act of dying through illness or the result of trauma. It is growing in favor because the method produces wonderful results. "Patients reported a higher quality of life and will to live after participating in dignity therapy when asked such questions as 'What are the most important roles you had in your life?' 'What have you learned about life that you would want to pass along to others?'" In an article by Jonathan Sherman in USA Today on July 7, 2011, he quoted from Lancet Oncology that 68% of patients also reported an increased sense of purpose and 67% said they felt an increased sense of meaning after participating in the exercise. They wanted their thoughts written down not kept via audio technology because they felt the messages written would have more impact if they would not sound so sick. They were comforted by knowing they had created something lasting beyond themselves.

There are numerous sites on writing expressively and healing, not just dignity therapy. Expressive writing used by cancer patients, traumatized people, and those facing chronic health problems benefit from writing. The writing doesn't have to be about you and your illness. Any writing is helpful. Peggy Tabor Millin on her web site, CharityWorks, says that "Writing moves us toward understanding and resolution." In When Words Heal:Writing Through Cancer, Sharon Baker states that the writing cannot be just venting. The greatest benefit comes when we write a story with structure, causal explanation, repetition of themes, a balanced narrative, and awareness of a listener's perspective."

Larry Laws, Drs. Pennebaker and Chochinov, my friend and bloggers on many websites about writing, tell us that writing, in any form, can be cathartic, helpful, enlightening, sobering, funny, good for healing our bodies and minds, transitive to the next generation, hard work and fun. Why do you write?

Miguel de Cervantes: "The pen is the tongue of my mind."

Joan Didion: "I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear."

Twelve Reasons To Write

Larry L. Laws, Dalton Gardens, ID, is an author of books, many poems and several articles for a Idaho Writers League, Coeur d'Alene chapter's newsletter. He operated heavy equipment in the timber industry "keeping the wolf away from the door" until retirement. He’s been writing for decades. What drove him to write is not an experience any of us would wish to have . . . the accidental death of one of his children involving a baseball. In dealing with the overwhelming grief, Mr. Laws turned to writing. He wrote dozens of poems and writing eventually helped assuage the pain. Much later, his wife discovered his collection of poems and remarked on their high quality and suggested he write more. Larry took up writing again, joined Idaho Writers League and recently published two books: Poetic Expressions (Xlibris, 2010) and Back Then:Memoirs Of A Country Boy ( Xlibris, 2011.) Mr. Laws had a compelling reason to write. Others of us write:

1. To record our thoughts.

2. To set down permanently ideas brewing in our minds. Those thoughts may come in handy at any time, like a deadline looming.
3. To make better use of our time than checking emails, text messaging, random perusing of YouTube videos or FaceBook.
4. Because it enhances our communication skills by focusing on words and the composition of those words.
5.Writing gives us the ability to persuade others of our opinions or share our education or expertise.
6. Putting down words and thoughts creates order in our mind and world.
7. It builds self esteem.
8. To provide money or fame.
9. It helps to bring a sense of peace and accomplishment
10. It engages our senses and makes us better people.
11. Doing so allows us to record history.
12 Helps us tell a story we feel others would enjoy.

God's Greatness by Larry L. Laws

The easterly slopes shadows yielding

To a pale promise of a newborn sun,

Fading the false light of moonbeams

Which conceal the advance of dawn,

Sunup suggests shortening shadows

Offering assurance of warmth and nuture to a

Shivering land. A guardian to nature's

Creations, a symbol of strength greater than man.

As eternal rainbows of optimism

Has spanned the years of my life.

Giving me strength to endure the strife.

When all else drained my faith

I weathered the storm called living

And looked upon God for forgiving.

As I flogged the steed of progress

Always the remembrance of eternal past

Served guidance to slow dreams yet uncast.

Some dreams are so far fetched

They can't possibly be for real,

Yet from reality, we realize they steal.

[Go to Writer Showcase page to view some more of Mr. Laws' work.]

There are genres and many subgenres

There are dozens of subgenres. Before you market your story or book to an agent or editor, you may want to do some research so you can say, “My book is an Arthurian fantasy story” or “an anti-hero mystery.” Readers expect certain things to happen in books and if your story line doesn’t follow the format of a recognized subgenre, you may be in trouble. For instance, we all know a cozy mystery will be set in a small town where an amateur, usually a female, will solve a murder. We know what to expect in a bodice ripper romance where the female is gorgeous and is ravished by the handsome pirate. The more you know about genres the better able you are to identify your audience and sell your story to a publisher.

Genre is from the French meaning “kind” or “type.” In the writing world, genre can mean fiction, nonfiction, prose, or poetry for the basic categories. The list of subgenres is long. Reading through various materials Google sends me on “writing,” I came across a subgenre I had never heard of---steampunk. It is a subgenre of science fiction and there is a whole movement regarding the term. There are steampunk clothing items, posters and stories. Steampunk is a growth out of dieselpunk which involved stories from the 1920’s to 1950 where diesel fuel played a major part of the story be it science fiction, fiction or other subgenres. Steampunk came into popularity when steam replaced diesel as power. A logical following, cyberpunk, involves a high tech, bleak, mechanistic, futuristic universe where computers battle humans and computer humans drive the plot. Biopunk is a blend of film noir, Japanese aneme (whatever that is) and postmodern elements used to describe an underground, nihilistic, biotech society. Splatter (punk) is a new extreme style of horror stories that cut right to the gore.

Those new terms led me on search for other unfamiliar subgenres. There is one called HEA usually attached to romance and romance fantasy where the plot ends with “happily ever after.” Another is called space opera where it is the good guys against the aliens/robots/other humans all taking place in space or on another planet. Think Star Wars. Cowboy opera, set in the West, gave us the fantasy TV show Wild Wild West.

Wuxia genre goes back centuries in China and it reached its golden age in the 1960’s-1980’s. Today’s wuxia stories are adventures where the main character is from a poor background. He learns various forms of martial arts to aid another underdog or she rights a wrong ala Robin Hood. Ang Lee’s Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is wuxia as is DreamWorks’s Kung Fu Panda. These stories frequently have an “HEA” ending like yet another subgenre, histiographical metafiction. These history-based stories are a melding of historical events with made up characters interacting with people we may recognize. Often a female is the protagonist of these plots because there is scant history written about women’s roles in history until recently. Sometimes there is a component of rewriting history in histiographic metafiction. Examples of this type of story telling are An English Patient written by Michael Ondaatje, Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie, The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles, Slaughterhouse Five written by Kurt Vonnegut and some of Margaret Atwood’s works.

Dystopian literature like H.G.Wells’ The First Man on The Moon, Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World and P.D. James’ The Children of Man tell stories of a seemingly utopian state of existence but it is actually about a society under a dictator. The tales revolve around a utopian society but these societies have a flaw that drives the tension of the plot.

Bangerian fantasy may be familiar to some of you but not to me. It is a subgenre speculating on the afterlife of famous people. Kurt Vonnegut (he writes in several subgenres) wrote God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian while Janet Morris wrote Heroes in Hell in this mode.

The last subgenre I am writing about today is one of fiction books called nouveau roman or neuronovel. This type of plot features protagonists with mental disorders whose causes are not societal but from mental illness. Mark Haddon wrote Curious Incident of the Dog in The Night-Time about autism. Paranoia was John Way’s Lowboy theme. Enduring Love by Ian McEwen has an underlying theme in which the protagonist struggles with thinking that another person is in love with him (de Clerambault’s syndrome.)

The bottom line: I have a lot to learn about this writing gig!

Brilliant Beginnings Contest: We have a winner!

Thank you to everyone who entered our Brilliant Beginnings First Line Contest, and to our five hardworking judges, who had some tough choices to make. It was a very close contest. Each judge individually ranked the entries according to his or her preference, and then the points were tallied to declare the winners, which are:

First Place ($30): "Her long journey through pain was almost over." (Robert Norwicke)

Second Place (Starbucks gift card): "So much for life and liberty." (Jessie Gunderson)

Third Place (Starbucks gift card): "I knew this man would change my life; I could see my future in his eyes." (Jane Bettany)

Congratulations, winners! You will each be contacted individually to arrange for receiving your prize.

Great job, everybody! We've got another fun contest in the works, so keep reading Writing North Idaho for the details.

Writer's Bookshelf: An inside look at reasons for rejection

Years ago I read about an author who wallpapered her entire bathroom with rejection slips from editors and agents. I don't remember now what this activity was supposed to accomplish, according to that author, but I do remember thinking that I, personally, would not feel encouraged by facing a rejection-wallpapered bathroom every morning, especially before I've even had my coffee.

What WOULD encourage me is some clear, no-holds-barred explanations of why stories remain unpublished. This is the kind of encouragement I found in Jessica Page Morrell's book, Thanks, But This Isn't For Us: A (Sort of) Compassionate Guide to Why Your Writing Is Being Rejected. Morrell, a developmental editor and writing teacher, takes the reader through fourteen chapters that cover everything from the first line to "The End," pointing out potential manuscript weaknesses that even the most careful writer might not be aware of, plus a helpful glossary of publishing terms.

Morrell's approach is not delicate--in fact, "blunt" might be putting it mildly--but she gets her point across. Think of it as tough love for the writer's soul ("soul" being something she's not crazy about, by the way, as in "she felt his passion in the depths of her soul"--phrasing she calls "cringe-worthy." I told you, this is not a book for the thinnest of skins!)

Even if you haven't yet finished your story (or haven't even started it; I'm looking at you, NaNoWriMo participants), you'll still find useful information that might help you swerve around some potholes in the first place. So the next time your manuscript receives a rejection letter, instead of posting it on the wall next to your toothbrush holder, try reading through it with a copy of Thanks, But This Isn't For Us at your side. It just might be a more effective brain stimulant than your morning coffee!

Writing While Distracted: What's your "Squirrel!"?

In the engaging Pixar movie Up, there's a dog character whose best intentions are constantly thwarted by a sudden flash of "Squirrel!" every time an enticing rodent zooms by. It doesn't matter what the dog is doing or thinking at the time; "Squirrel!" takes over his entire canine brain.

Sometimes I feel like that dog when I'm trying to write; I'm constantly bombarded with distractions, mostly of my own making. My personal version of "Squirrel!" could be anything from "New e-mail!" to "Sunny day outside!" to "Leftover pie in fridge!"

I'm most easily distractible when the writing is not going well, when I'm wrestling with an awkward phrase or seeking some fresh, non-hackneyed way to express an idea--or simply trying come up with an idea worth expressing in the first place. Suddenly I'll find myself magically transported to the kitchen to see what's in the fridge (nothing different from the last three times I checked) or compulsively checking e-mail and Facebook as an escape from the prison of my own thoughts.

Recently I posted a little sign on my office door that says "Where are you going?" It's purpose is to make me think twice about wandering away from the writing. Do I need to go to the kitchen? Do I need to get the newspaper? Probably not.

To curb electronic wandering, I temporarily disconnect from the Internet, which feels akin to cutting off my oxygen supply, but is sometimes necessary to get any writing done at all.

When you're writing, what makes you yell "Squirrel!"? And what do you do to stay focused?